I Fell For Him...

I was scared. To love him.

Right before he snatched me up and cradled me.

I trembled. I knew he’d save me from heartache.

But I craved the dark path on which temptation led me upon.

The beauty of selfishness quenched the thirst of my flesh.

Flesh that drink poison and replaced my oxygen with carbon dioxide

Drunken off lust and ego. All wants that seemed so nice

I wanted to stay there.

And that’s why we didn’t belong together

I was doing my thing and he was doing his

Deep down, I knew he saw my every flaw.

Who is he to judge me and “change” me and make me “whole”?

When I have been for so long unworthy, dirty, perverted, and un-beautiful.

When I heard the word failure and it stung.

Unapologetic.

When dark skin and ugly conjoined into the same sentence. Unapologetic.

When I touched my skin to a pillow and allowed a man to deflower me because I believed it was my worth. Unapologetic.

When no one was there. No one cared.

You can say life just happened. But life is mean.

Almost as if it chose me. To nudge and poke; to tease.

To pester and make me believe I was a disease.

My heart broken. The little last hope in me; a candle, just a small flicker, and then poof! Gone.

So. I’d rather sit in my cage.

To revel in the emptiness, a grave, reserved just for me.

At least there was a name tag. I belonged.

And the "Enticer" held on.

With that monster’s schemes and promises it trapped me, so it made me believe.

Ancestral curses coursed through my veins.

Pushing the sludge of poverty and generational pain through my body and to my cancer infested heart.

Infatuated with the deceiver. A veil tinted

black, unfamiliar, marrying me to hell

Like a cheating boyfriend the Enticer rocked my world but then squeezed out my tears

and created a churning river, for it's pleasure.

But He returned again and again. He was not an Enticer. Not a monster. He loved.

I was scared because He was also unapologetic…in his love. And with this knowledge came condemnation.

Biting like a snake’s fangs, ready to spill blood. But instead He held me together.

With no consent, spilled his blood for me.

The truth of this crashed my universe. But, the truth sets you free!

Either I ran or I stood in the cage, paralyzed.

They say the unknown is scary, but it can hold the key to happiness

Remember, right before he saved me, I Trembled.

Trembling caused my chains to fall off. Made me stand straight.

That black veil fell from my face and uncovered my eyes. To see his wisdom. His truth.

My superman came and saved me in his cape. A cape covered in powerful blood.

In that cape I saw salvation. So I ran.

I ran away from the Enticer. Away from the lusts of my flesh.

I ran out of the pit full of generational curses and lies.

Then I turned a corner and tripped on his cornerstone.

And fell head over heels in love with the same unconditional love I had feared

Like the awesome prince charming he is he ripped down every wall, tore down every Goliath,

Roared like the Lion of Judah and saved me from the king of death.

He told me in him I could rest. I was a part of his spiritual nest.

He anointed my head with oil and my cup overflowed.

His love as vibrant as a scarlet rose.

He became my beloved, my lover, my prince of peace!

The one who loves me for me.

The one who saved me from the locked tower. My prince charming.

What’s his name? His name is Jesus.

But he did not just come for me he came for you.

I’m here to testify that a young woman was snatched from the hands of the devil

I see an army of women in this era.

Tired and haggard from their pain

Dragging broken hearts, worn trust, and bleeding a lack of self-love.

But I want you know I’m willing to share my love.

I’m willing to let him show you that you are beautiful beyond the physical

You are special. You are loved. That you will not just bare your own children but a blessed generation

After generation after generation.

That every curse spoken onto you or born into you, has been broken

From the very first curse of women, of eve.

Do not fear as I did.

"Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us—for it is written, 'Cursed is everyone who is hanged on a tree.'” - Galatians 3:13 ESV