Cup of Poison

Unforgiveness

So I'm scrolling down Facebook, and I come across a couple of names, automatically, ill emotions rise to the surface. I feel the unease in my stomach and in my mind. And as someone who believes that I should operate in the nine fruits of the spirit, LOVE, PEACE, patience, gentleness, SELF-CONTROL, JOY, faithfulness, KINDNESS, GOODNESS, all of that went out the window in the split-second it took for me to recognize their faces. In that moment I realized that I haven't yet forgiven these people; they still had the ability to take away my peace and joy. In that moment, My Father in heaven, pointed out some dark spots, cancerous cells, on my heart that needed to be removed.

That's what I love about having a relationship with Jesus. We have great conversations and He is honest with me and understands me, seeing every crevice of my heart, He still loves me. He speaks to me and brings to light the things that I don't even notice about myself, especially when I am willing to be open to Him. How does He speak to me? Well, as I scrolled through Facebook, I didn't necessarily hear his voice audibly, but I heard it in my core, in my spirit, and I heard the word forgiveness. One of these days I will elaborate on the different ways He speaks to me, but for now, let's talk about forgiveness...

Honestly, this topic is a heavy one, considering the fact that I am still working on a few personal incidents and situations of my own. But I can tell you what I am learning from my own experiences and from watching others:

So, when I saw those faces on my news feed I wanted to bury the images and the memories, six feet under forever, along with the hurt, anger, and bitterness. I felt some resistance in my heart, mainly because of how hard it can be to let go when there is no recompense. I had to come to terms with the fact that not everyone will apologize. I have to be okay with that. Jesus was.

Obviously, the only reason why you're not feeling very forgiving right now is because they didn't feel the need to be sorry in the first place. But I go back to Jesus and how His love is so strong that He was willing to die for people that humiliated and mutilated Him. In fact He asked God, on the world's behalf, to forgive them due to their ignorance. "You don't know my situation Yzzy! In my situation the person did know what they did!" Well, let's go back to Jesus. The Pharisees only killed Him because He wouldn't submit to their religion. They knew He was innocent, but, they were blinded by jealousy, and deaf from hardened hearts, to ever recognize truth... Just like the people that hurt us in life. Blinded and Deaf from whatever spiritual turmoil they have within themselves.

In that moment, I also remembered that every person/story in the bible is a representation of life's experiences becoming a form of glorification to God, highlighting His love, wisdom, and strength. It's proof that nothing is too complicated for God. Not even un-forgiveness. Whatever has happened is passed and that now is the time to move forward from the Old Testament to the New Testament. Meaning that I CAN go to the cross and BURY those feelings and memories. Jesus gave me the power to do so. When I leave my problems on the cross, all things that are not of Him shall die, and my pain, anger, and bitterness will cease and my true self can be resurrected; there's no point in holding on when the past hurts bring more death to me. Ever heard that saying? "Un-forgiveness is like a cup of poison that you are trying to give to the other person or situation, but, you're actually the one drinking it." You're dying, while they are living.

Ironically, it is so easy to point the finger at other people and blame them for everything that is wrong in our lives, and in the same instance, forget our own shortcomings. I don't think we spend time reviewing ourselves and how we have messed up. There's probably someone out there that holds a bitter spot in their heart, with my name on it, because of my mistakes. That's the hardest part for me. It's knowing that I might've caused someone real pain out there and I never said sorry. I'm sitting here trying to nurse my own boo boos, oblivious to someone else's wounds. They're drinking poison and I'm living. I have moved on and maybe they didn't.

I cannot forgive but I want forgiveness? I won't give grace but I need it myself. I cannot let go but Jesus Let go over 2,000 years ago. I have to ask myself, did I deserve to be forgiven? No. But He did it anyway because He loves me. And if the only way I can ever love my "neighbor" again is by forgiving them, if that's all I have to do to never deal with them again (or not as frequently), to get them out of my head, and follow the first and second commandment, then I'm going to forgive them and give the rest to God.

Open Heart

I am not saying letting go is easy. There are so many horrible events that can cause a spirit of un-forgiveness to settle in within our soul. There's rape, cheating, kidnapping, physical abuse, child neglect, extreme betrayal, etc. Nine times out of ten, it takes time to move on. Thankfully, Jesus's perfect love for us is more than we can fathom. To love like this is to completely set aside all selfish ambition and to fully die to yourself. As imperfect as we are, it's not exactly easy to die to ourselves and completely overlook the wrongs that have been for us. That's the goal, but it takes work and time to get there, and that's okay.

I believe the first step to forgiveness is recognizing who the real culprit is behind all of the evil in this world. It's Satan. People have will, the ability to make choices, and because we can be so weak, he's able to find a foothold in the door. Hurt people hurt people. And when we let bitterness fester, that puss can and will infiltrate other relationships in our lives, especially, the most important one, our relationship with Jesus.

At the end of the day, your heart needs to be open to forgiving a person or a situation. You can have all the head knowledge but a hardened heart. You can say the words, "I forgive," religiously, and walk away from the cross still baring your wounds. It's like accepting Jesus Christ as our lord in savior; you have to confess it but also believe it within your heart.

I remember the times I fell to my knees in tears because I didn't want to forgive. I wanted to hate and be angry. I thought that God was letting them get away with what they did but instead He wanted to free me from a trap. Jesus is the EPITOME of forgiveness and I was breaching connection with my own un-forgiveness. And at the end, .When I finally let go of my pain and gave it to Him, the weight lifted. The tears were an excess of healing waters flowing from wounds that He had mended. I became stronger because I overcame the bitterness and my relationship with Jesus became stronger.

Be honest with yourself and God. Find out what really bothers you about someone or a particular situation that you are struggling with. Is it the words that were said or how they said it. Did they go about a situation the wrong way? How and Why? Did you know them? Were they close to you? Once you have a clear picture, Leave it at the cross. If it helps, write it down and burn it.

Trade in that cup full of toxins for His drink of everlasting life. Be the first to stop the cycle. Forgive the person and give them to the Lord along with the bitterness and pain. Ask God to heal what has been wounded. Let Him put us back together again.

Prayer:

My father in heaven, I come before you, bare and broken, to seek release from past and present hurts. That every part of me that is angry, and bitter, and even sad be removed and replaced with your joy and peace that surpasses all understanding. Abba, father I pray that your healing waters can overflow into my heart,mind, and body. Lord, take over, and speak life into every corner of my heart. Give me the strength to move forward. I forgive... And the rest is between you and God.

Ephesians 4:31-32 – Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Mark 11:25 – And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”

Colossians 3:13 – Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

Matthew 6:12– “And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.”

Romans 12:18-19 – If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave I to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.